In the past few months...

Had to start off with a picture of the most beautiful flowers I have ever been given!

Several times in the past few months I have found myself lying down and nearly asleep, having an internal battle between wanting to get up and blog, to get the 1,000,000 thoughts out of my head and the oh so elusive sleep I need. Clearly, by the looks of my blog, the desire to sleep has fought hard and conquered!

I'm sitting here in regret, because really, so many great, so many difficult, so many funny, and so many important things have happened. I feel like I'm depriving my children of these things I most want them to remember about their childhood by not writing.

I think I convince myself that I can revert to facebook. Let's be honest though - facebook wont always be there, and it certainly isn't personal like the blog is. My statuses are like my mini blogs, that I would have normally written paragraphs about.

So in an effort to 'once again' try to keep up with this one time great outlet of mine, I'm going to try to remember a few things...

I have figured out that I do not do well with hyperactivity. It instantly causes my stress level to sky-rocket. I also have figured out that I really must work on that if I am going to have any chance of being a successful parent as the years go on.

Ok, that was just a quick little excerpt from my evening. Jack and Kyla are bouncing off of the walls, and I know that I should just let it go because they are quite happy and not hurting anything - but the noise level just KILLS me. Rant over.

In the past few months I have discovered:

That Jack is the most amazing 'man' ever. He really is so kind hearted, strong, sensitive, and thoughtful, it makes me unbelievably proud.

That it's been way harder to get Kade into a preschool than it was with Kyla. Having to factor in a 2nd school for drop off's and pick up's, not to mention the time and financial requirements for various schools is severely clashing with our time and financial availability. I've also come to terms with the fact that I'm going to experience the horrible heartache that I thought I would feel, and didn't, with Kyla, with Kade. He will be the kid that chases me out to the parking lot and screams and cries which will make me scream and cry and want to take him with me.

How much I'm LOVING that Kyla is getting more independent. She is helping me tremendously with Jack. Everything from reading to him, giving him a "word of the day," ( today's word by the way is: information ) and making him breakfast and sandwiches. She even got her own cereal and milk and orange juice the other day when I just couldn't get out of bed. The best part about that was that she PUT IT ALL AWAY. *sigh*

That my kids love hand held games and bowling.

That Kyla and Kade are totally fine with being dropped off at a friends house to play. Also, that Jack however, is NOT.

Kyla is going through a very sensitive, emotional, dramatic stage, and I feel sorry for her because I know all of her feelings are real. She is her mother's daughter after all, and if you didn't know already - I can be a bit emotional. ( shhhh - don't tell anyone )

My kids do not like pinatas.

Things we've done in the past few months

I've turned 35.

I've realized that I feel 35 and don't want to.

I've gone to Seattle twice for business, and am about to go to Chicago. Robert did phenomenally with the kids while I was gone, and I got a chance to miss my family. Let's face it, sometimes one needs to feel what it's like to miss something.

We've started birthday season for the kids' friends :)

Kade has made new friends without the assistance of his brother or sister at one of these parties!

Spent lots of time at the batting cages, buying baseball gear, and playing baseball / catch in general.


( one of the best things to date about my life is watching Robert on one side of the lawn playing catch with the 3 kids on the other side of the lawn )

We've been to several of Aiden's baseball games - he plays for ELB and is on the Diamond Back's. It's great to watch him play and TJ help coach. Aiden is a real athlete, just a natural at most everything he does.

Went to Knotts Berry Farm with my parents and got them season passes so we can go back again. Robert, Dad and I even went on a couple of rides. Woo hoo - we didn't spend the whole time in Camp Snoopy like normal.

We took dad and went to see the Freestyle Motocross show at the Honda Center. Despite a 20 minute breakdown from Kade, the boys LOVED it. It was a very fun outing as a family!

We've had playdates, dinner dates, boo boo's, and photo-shoots!

I have started to run ( jog ) and although it is not far at all - I feel pride in myself for doing it because I've always wanted to. I've always been a weights person because it was easy for me to learn and accomplish. Running took too much effort so I never put any into it.

We came into an opportunity to move to a perfect house that would enable me to enroll my kids in Stephen Foster. Every detail surrounding it was perfect. The location, the size, the price, the neighbors, everything. UNTIL - the owner said she's in limbo now. This really threw me for a loop and I'm anxious to talk to her again. My mind set was on moving, and now I have to reconfigure my thought process, and that isn't something I enjoy. Still hoping for the best though.

Randomness that stands out:

Jack can write his own name and a few other words without ant tracks now!
Kade can write nearly every letter of the alphabet without help from anyone now!!

I've booked the kids birthday party already, I've got the invitations ordered sealed and ready to be mailed already, and I'm 90% done with the party bags already! The party isn't until May 23rd, but I've determined to not feel stress about it - yay me!

Kyla got an excellent report card!! She went up in a couple of area's, stayed the same in most, and went down in only one. She's been getting lazy on her letter appearance and length of sentences. Ironic huh? We've been working at it, and she's getting back to her old self quickly.
She can read better than me I think sometimes.

Aiden has lost 3 teeth already - poor Kyla is very very anxious for her gray tooth to fall out.

Gavin is playing with the big kids now. He's the cutest, most active, toughest little man ever.

I got new bedroom furniture - I had my old set for about 15 years. The new set includes a California King Bed. YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! All 5 of us can fit on it if need be, but it certainly is way more comfortable if ( when ) there is 3 of us in there. Now if I could just get Robert to stop snoring we could both sleep it in every single night.

Ok, I think that's enough for now, if you are still reading this, thank you. If not, I don't blame you one bit!

Kyla's letter to her 1st grade teacher

Dear Mrs Musick, You are the best teacher in the whole world. I want you to have a good life. I would love to take you for lunch in the summer because I'll miss you. Thank you for all you do for me. Love Kyla Beard. I found it in her homework folder. :o)

From the mouths of children....

I'm constantly in awe of the creative, emotional, funny, innocent, thought provoking, sometimes hurtful, shameful, dramatic and every once in awhile, desperate things that come from the mouths of my children.

There are several times that I find myself utilizing my facebook status as a "quote of the day" for one of the kids. This gave me the thought to make an on-going blog post with these wonderful things, so that I might remember them forever ( and can read back with them some day.)

I'm not sure if I'll be categorizing them in bunches such as:

"excuses for not wanting to go to sleep" and "why I can't clean up"

or "general uncomfortable questions that MUST be answered immediately."

There could always be a category called: "Charming techniques I use to get what I want," or "things that I say that make my mom smother me with kisses."

Either way I do it, I'm sure it will be edited frequently, for aesthetic purposes and will ideally be added to every day!

Jack on his age and size.
"I'll eat strawberry's when I'm 4 mom."
"I can't go to sleep by myself mom, I'M ONLY 3 YEARS OLD!"

"I'm going to be 4 on my birthday, Oh ya, Oh ya, Rock star baby!" as he swings his hips.

Jack not wanting to be alone:
"Kyla will you please take a bath with me?" No says Kyla. " AAAWWWEEE - YOU NEVER" in a really bummed out and pouty voice, even though she did 3 nights in a row prior.
"You NEVER" is his current answer to when anyone says no.

Kyla trying to get out of stuff.
"My feet don't work mom, I can't get dressed"
"that is soooooooo boring."

In getting out of going to sleep, picture all in a row, within 5 minutes.
" I think I'm going to throw up."
" my head hurts"
" I'm hungry"
" I can't close my eyes"
"I thought of something bad"
" I just can't sleep alone anymore"
"I'm thirsty"
"why do you always lay with Jack?"

Kade at the motocross show:
"I haven't been this happy in like 6 weeks!!"

Just random:
If you ask Jack a question he doesn't know the answer to his answer is:
" I cant know"
If his answer is because, and I say, "because why?" He says:
"because WHY I said"

As we were laying in bed the night of Easter:
Kade: "mom, I had the best Easter EVER - until you and dad ruined it by yelling at me."

June 22, 2010
Kyla: Mom, I'm hungrier than 1,000,000 zebra's and my tummy feels like there are spider webs in it.

Why is it that when 'lack of ambition' is in a mental battle with the amazing 'feeling of accomplishment' the latter contender is always losing? It didn't used to be this way and I can't figure out how to break the vicious cycle.

welp, I'm 35.

This post is going to be pretty darn self absorbed I think. I say that now though, and 10 lines from now I'll probably be on a completely different subject. I'm thinking that lack of focus has something to do with the fact that I'm 35.

I turned 35. I keep saying it as a way to make it more of a reality to me I think. When I was 25, I remember getting my final divorce papers and wishing that I could just be 35 to get past all the hard stuff. I specifically remembering thinking that life has to be more settled when you are 35, thus easier than 25. In retrospect, I'm declaring that to be a half true statement.

Mentally, I'm more settled. Physically, I'm definitely NOT more settled. Feeling strong in my abilities is easier, following through with all of what is required of me, is however not.

I can say one thing for absolute certainty though. I could not have handled my three babies at a younger age, such as 25. NO WAY. I think being 35 is an absolute blessing in that regard. In all of the ways that they are testing me lately, they wouldn't have made it out alive 10 years ago! OR........... perhaps the triple energy I had back then would have made me a better mom? I guess 'absolute certainty' isn't so absolute is it? I guess we'll never know.

What I do know at this ripe old age of 35 is that I'm beyond blessed. To know that I have such amazing people in my life that care so deeply about me, my family, and our well being is enough to make me want to embrace getting older. If for no other reason than to be able to spend more time with these wonderful people.

I had a wonderful birthday of being spoiled through out the day by Robert... Sushi, hair products, really 'Juicy Couture' sunglasses. The day ended with a Happy Birthday Banner, beautiful cards and an inside taco bell picnic with my babies! The day after my birthday was a thoughtful and so FUN party put together by my best friends Anissa and Becky ( complimented with help from mom and Robert! ) About 30 people gathered at El Torito in a special off the bar room ( I felt so important! ) for drinks and appetizers. I had anxiety all day leading up to the attention being for me, but a couple of Mango Margaritas down, and I was good to go!

I will forever remember my 35th birthday for SO many reasons!!