A Mother's fit

I have to get this documented for a couple of reasons.

1) I'm a talker, and the more I talk about things, the more I can sort through it and move on from it.

2) I have to be able to laugh at myself and some of the decisions I make ( and hopefully limit the amount of times I do dumb stuff in the future )

It happens about once a month <--- I'm not in denial about why this happens, not at all... my mental stability is questionable. I know it's happening, I even provide warnings to those that need them, or rather understand them, and do my best to lay low.

Well, the other night, I was trying to lay low and I even had a plan to make that happen. It was a great plan if I do say so myself. I wanted to cuddle with my husband. I wanted his big strong arms around me to calm me down and make me feel better like only he can. It's the simple things. I didn't even need to be alone, I just needed him to myself!!

The kids wouldn't hear of it. Not even close. They wanted him too. Trust me, there is a reason why we all want to cuddle with him. He's like a big teddy bear that keeps you safe and warm.

Well instead of appreciating the joy that my kids have in the bonding time they have with their dad, I got defensive and frankly quite territorial. I questioned my poor young children for wanting something only because I had it first. I asked them why they didn't think I deserved a few minutes of him to myself, and why they couldn't just go to bed like they have done on recent nights. I even said... prepare yourselves now... " I had him first, I just loan him to you when I'm busy! " Yes. Those words came out of my mouth. I clung to Robert while they tried to climb on top of him and while Jack even cried slightly complaining that my arm was on Robert's stomach ( Jack's prime spot. ) I refused to budge. REFUSED. I knew while this was happening that it was ridiculous, but I NEEDED it. I really really needed it, right then, on MY time - not theirs. Even for just 10 minutes, it needed to be on MY time.

Well, all 5 of us ended up together on our bed. They smashed their way into any area they could fit ( Kade at the foot of the bed ) and took back their territory. Stubborn little people!! I have no idea where they get that trait from. ;)

Kade crashed out first, so I got up and moved him. Kyla then complained that she didn't have enough room ( ya think? ) and said, "I'll just go to my own bed" like it was her idea, and Jack crashed last. I moved him too.

I went back to MY bed, MY space, and MY husband - who was now snoring away and making it nearly impossible for me to fall asleep anyway. I knew that was going to happen because I even told the kids that I needed to hurry and fall asleep before he started to snore.

If this was a contest of will, I definitely do not declare myself the winner. I fell asleep half laughing and half ashamed.....

Until next month, when I'm sure to have a variation of the above.

My description of love - as I know it.

Over the years, I have come to realize that the love that I need is not ever a simple one. I've frequently wondered why I wasn't meant to be one of those couples that just sort of go through life for the most part, coasting as if their paths were already carved out for them. I felt very envious at one point in my life of not having one of those relationships.

Don't get me wrong, this is not to say that I do not absolutely adore my husband. I am head over heels in love with him and our family. We've been through a significant amount of difficulties in the almost 11 years we've been together, but the key word is together.

I understand completely that to some close friends it may seem like I have extra worries and some extra struggles due to Robert's special brain, and I find myself frequently trying, even when completely unsolicited, to explain why this works for me. I have recently read a book and in it was the absolute most amazing quotation and explanation of love I have ever found. It is me, and everything that my mind and heart requires.

This is written in a format that shows a sister, who has never experienced this type of love, speaking about her sister's life.

"She always imagined love to be turbulent and passionate, an emotion that would sweep her up and break her into pieces and reshape her into someone she couldn't otherwise have become."

I have learned invaluable things about life and myself because of my amazing husband.

2 parents out of town and a cute conversation.

Robert is going out a couple of hours out of town for a day or two with work so all 3 kids will be at MeMe and PaPa's house overnight while he's away.

The normal situation of children placement when I'm out of town is:

Dinner either with Robert and Meme and Papa, or just Meme and Papa if Robert works late. Then baths and hanging out at home with Daddy, followed by Jack and Kyla being picked up to stay overnight - leaving Kade and Daddy for their "boys nights." Kyla couldn't be pryed away from spending the night there if her life depended on it. She packs for the week, and her mind is set. Jack varies sometimes, and Kade 100% belongs to daddy.

Kade is always invited to go with Kyla and Jack, but always declines the invitation to be with his daddy. He says he like's his own house for sleeping.

Well after Robert called with the details, I called Kyla to tell her... this is our conversation:

Hi Kyla

Hi Mom, what are you doing?
Working, what are you doing?
I'm waiting to go swimming. What kind of work are you doing?
I'm on my computer.
I thought you were at your job.
I am, I'm working on my computer at my job.

At the same time? Wow, that's so cool.

I'm glad you think so. Guess what?
What mom?
Your daddy has to go out of town for work too!
He does, NO WAY! When?
Tomorrow morning. That means all 3 of you will need to stay with meme and papa.

Ooooh - Kade is NOT going to like that AT ALL mom. Not at all.

[now giggling and trying to think of something positive] well maybe since daddy wont be home for him to be able to stay there, he wont be sad.

Ya, probably. Good idea. So have you started a book yet?
Yes, I have.

What's it called?
True Colors.

Do you like it?
I sure do.
Ok mom, I'll try to let Kade know right away. Love you.

Re-reading it, I guess it's not that amazing of a conversation, but when I called to tell Robert about it, we both just cracked up. It's so fun to talk to her on the phone because there is no time spent trying to think of something to say, it just flows and she loves it. Another reminder of how fast she's growing up. I have to leave it on here as a reminder of how it made me smile :)

Quick side note: THANK YOU MOM AND DAD - you guys are the absolute best. xoxoxo

Happy 4th of July ( on the 15th of July )

I was lying in bed last night realizing that I didn't do a 4th of July post...

I guess though, I haven't done several posts lately because Facebook has been more than satisfying my desire for instant gratification when I have something to say.

I know I didn't skip it because it was lacking of enjoyment, we had a wonderful day this year!

Most years the day is crazy, chaotic, crowded, and amazingly fun!!!

For some reason that wasn't in the cards for us this year, and I'm oddly glad. It's almost like we needed a break from it, to appreciate it more!

Most years it looks like this:


and then this....



and eventually this....



This year we scaled it down, slowed it down, and really enjoyed ourselves. The traveling I've been doing since May has really thrown off any routine I've claimed to have or have at least convinced myself exists. It also seems to have changed my ability and enjoyment of real life socialization. I'm anxious for it to be over and for everything to come back. Is that strange how it's all connected? I'm thinking not - or maybe I'm really just getting OLD like my kids say.

Some fun pictures of this year's celebration:

Decorated bikes :)

Best Friends

Nearly inseparable - Jack even got off his big bike for her

GREAT friends!

A game of hot potato replaced vollyball....

Dessert replaced the Jager

I got to hold a sleeping baby!

The kids loved the sparklers!

And the simple fireworks too! :)

( I Just love this one for the freckles! )

I hope everyone had a very fun and safe day! Next year we plan to go big again!

I have found a very new and very prominent trait of Jacks. STUBBORNESS. Wow. I thought I was stubborn. :/