Happy Spring!

I love spring time - it means summer is next.. and allows for so many more things. People are happier. I'm happier. It was mostly a good week.
Work sucked, it's horrible being here alone without Akemi. It's very quiet in general now and a different atmosphere with everyone wondering what's next. I guess we'll have to see.
The kids have had some great days. Kyla has gone to sleep in her bed 6 out of 7 days and has stayed there about the same. Kade has slept in his bed 5 out of 7 days and has started there 2 days even.
Jack has been very generous with his hugs and kisses as usual but I'm really excited because he is finally starting to show more and more age appropriate intrests. He can spend an hour with magna doodles and drawing now - I love it. He wouldn't even hold a crayon a month ago. He is climbing up the rock wall on our swing set and going down the big slide so quickly by himself that it seems like he's been doing it forever. He also is almost peddling a tricycle! ( thanks to meme working with him every day ) Now if he could just talk and be willing to eat with a spoon. ( OH and be willing to eat more than 5 options... that would be nice! )
Kade has all of a sudden become very fascinated with sports. Robert taught him how to kick the ball against the walls to have it come back to him instead of always having to wait for someone to play with him. He also has been working on dribbling a basketball more than 4 times and he throws the ball up in the air so Robert can do a lay-up, and gets so proud of himself.
Kyla has about 1 million scrapes and cuts up and down her legs you would think she was a boy. She's pretty clumsy, but tries so hard not to be! She went and pouted for about 15 minutes yesterday because she didn't know how to play soccer. She gave the big puppy dog eyes and was very sad that she didn't know how to play the game when we were all in the backyard doing various activities. ( I did 100 lunges back and forth across the yard and now I can't walk today..I'm thinking I did too many )
We usually bbq alone or with friends atleast 4 days a week when the weather is nice, and eat outside and watch the kids play - this house is even better for that than our last one - so we started last night with Becky and Randy and their little Camryn... now I can't wait to keep doing it. I'm going to dread the first rainfall that comes back this spring.

75 things about me.

So my friend just wrote 50 things about herself, and her friend wrote 100! They were very interesting to read... I thought I would do the same. * edit * Happy reading... or skip right over it - I've enjoyed the 2 day insight into my thoughts...
( try it, it's pretty liberating )

1. For only a very short 2 years of my life did I have an incling of what I "wanted to be when I grew up" I actually wanted to be a CPA.
2. My secret desire is to be a personal trainer with my own studio - or to train wealthy people / celebrities. This I know is impossible so I don't consider it what I want to be.
3. Even though I pretended I found peace with being told I probably couldn't have children, I was devastated. I knew in my heart I was meant to be a mom.
4. I frequently believe that I thought I would be a better mom than I am.
5. I also frequently believe that I'm a very good mom.
6. The fact that my parents are still married has greatly affected my marriage for the better.
7. I used to wish my parents would get divorced.
8. I couldn't imagine my parents not being together now.
9. I've just recently gotten the concept of North, South, East, & West without a map.
10. I love food. It makes me very very very happy and can easily fix negative moods.
11. I've cried atleast a dozen times because food has tasted so good.
12. I enjoy going out to eat more than most other things in life - even if I didn't love the food, I love the process.
13. I hate when my food touches each other.
14. I can't stand casseroles, but I love hamburger helper when Robert makes it with olives.
15. I wish I could run without feeling like my lungs are going to collapse.
16. All 5 of us are very physically strong.
17. Kharma is something I very much believe in.
18. There are many times I believe that the negative things that may happen to me are because of something I've done in the past.
19. There is 1 thing about me that no one else on the planet knows, it's not significant or hurtful, but I still wont tell.
20. Robert knows every single thing about me other than this 1 thing.
21. I believe that saying about the fact that friends are here for reasons and seasons and each one serves a different purpose in our lives.
22. My friend Maria is my soulmate. I see her almost the least out of all of my closest friends, and have known her almost the least amount of time.
23. I consider my friend Becky my sister.
24. When I'm old and gray I think Cheryl, who I've known since I was 18 months old will be sitting next to me being old and gray herself. We'll be together still.
25. I feel lucky every day to have several other good friends to laugh with, keep me sane, and relate to when I need them - even if it's unspoken help.
26. I wish I could tell my mom I love her more and be more sentimental with her. I have NO idean why I can't, and I know I'll regret it later.
27. My mom drives me crazy with her lack of togetherness, but I've realized that all of her delays are because she's doing something nice for someone else.
28. I wish I had more of my moms traits, I would be so much more relaxed.
29. Chatting is not my strong point. Silence is ok with me.
30. I feel like I don't smile nearly as much as I used to, and I miss it.
31. Having kids has really created some major physical and chemical difficulties I didn't use to have.
32. I suffer from depression. I use the word suffer because that's how it feels when I can't control how it makes me act.
33. The thought of death can cause an immediate panic attack.
34. I can't watch movies, tv shows, or commercials where children are suffering or have been hurt.
35. I'm finding this easier than I thought it would be and equally enlightening - I almost wonder if I could come up with 100 things I'm willing to share.
36. If I could have any cosmetic surgery done for free, I would chose a nose job rather than boobs ( which I REALLY want )
37. I don't think there is one other person on the planet that could handle my husband. I think I've saved his life, and so does he. I love him.
38. I love talking about my kids and trying to figure out the different ways to describe my individual love for each of them; like this:
39. Kyla is my soul. Her existence actually helps me breathe.
40. I have never felt love like I have the moment I delivered Kade, and it's been growing ever since.
41. Jack. My Jack. Life would be incomplete without my Jack. He truly completes me.
42. I wish my parents were healthier.
43. I can still do a cartwheel and a back bend.
44. I wish I left better impressions on people that meet me, but my lack of smiling turns a lot of people away I think.
45. I always find a way to let new people I meet know that I have 3 kids. It's like I feel guilty if I allow people to assume I am not a mom.
46. I'm not registered to vote and I will not register until we drop the Electoral College and make it popular. I also don't complain about who is elected.
47. I used to LOVE to argue my point, I was known for it. Now, it's just not worth the time except in a few occasions.
48. Being cold really freaks me out. It stops me in my tracks and actually kind of scares me how it feels.
49. No one ever says anything negative to me about me, and that makes me wonder about people's honesty.
50. I wish money didn't affect me so much.
51. I've never been to Hawaii but really want to go.
52. I think I should have been Italian.
53. Now that I have kids, I feel like I've lost the right to do things that may increase my chances of being hurt - like skydiving.
54. I know my whole life will be different in 5 years, and I can't wait.
55. My job makes me miserable. I feel like I'm above the people I have to deal with.
56. I know that makes me spoiled and I know I'm lucky, but it doesn't change the fact.
57. I don't think a degree is necessary to be successful and I like how many employers now are accepting equal experience to degree's in some professions.
58. Music used to be a huge part of my life and I miss it.
59. Music and ( some GREAT friends of course ) got me through my low points of getting divorced.
60. I wouldn't change but one thing through out my life.
61. That one thing would be to not be in a relationship my 11th and 12th grade year of highschool.
62. I overanalyze everything.
63. Robert's hugs can make almost anything better at the moment.
64. I would rather be a janitor than a waitress. I admire good waitresses more than you know.
65. It takes very little for me to learn something new.
66. I've only eaten at a restaurant by myself once, and it was just last year.
67. I gauge restaurants by their salad dressings.
68. We have no couple friends that we are equally close to the husband and the wife, and I really wish we did.
69. Even though Robert has been hard to live with at times, I think he's made me a much better, more understanding and empathetic person.
70. There are 2 things I wish I could type, but am too worried about how they would be perceived.
71. I wish I didn't care about that, but I know I always will. I have gotten much better though.
72. Abortion has entered my mind as an option if I were to get pregnant again, even though I know I could never go through with it having 3 other baby faces to look at.
73. I used to wash my car every weekend and change the oil in my car by myself.
74. I think I know a little bit about a lot of things.
75. Every once in awhile I will smell something that is impossible to smell ( because it's not around ) and it brings me back to a memory instantly.

The last few days...

Not very close up but I LOVE my handsome men!


Kyla and Aiden on Easter


Jack ( with his new hair or lack there of ) and meme.. how CUTE is he?!?


Showing off her new bathing suit and pool on Easter


Kade playing in Jack's aligator pool on Easter


Kyla at the zoo... roaring like a lion


So friday my mom calls me crying at 9:30 a.m. saying that Kyla has cracked her head open. Yes, this is what she said. I tell her to call Robert as he is a little closer than me and to call 911 if she thinks she needs to. She says she has her in the highchair so she doesn't faint and that she just can't get the gushing to stop. I leave work with an email with the subject written: "My daughter just cracked her head open, I have to go." Wwwelllll... I call back after I've left and it turns out that she may have been over exagerating just a bit. She has about a silver dollar size several layer scrape taken out of the top of her head, but no stitches necessary. My wonderful son Kade threw a metal motorcycle at her head - I was partially rushing home from work to make sure Robert didn't kill him with his bare hands. He didn't - we used horrible guilt and a 10 minute time out - I took the rest of the day off.
Saturday we went to the LA Zoo - THE DAY BEFORE EASTER. What were we thinking? So unbelievably crowded, very hot, and the zoo is set up horribly. We wandered and wandered and found no one that worked there for like 30 minutes at a time... AND it's all up hill. We had 4 very heavy kids ( Aiden and my mom came too ) pushing 2 at a time in double strollers. I sure got my work out for the day. It was a really great day dispite the inconveniences and we saw some really cute monkeys and got really close to the giraffes. My camera took a temporary dump before we saw all of the big animals, so I just have kid shots, but that's ok.
Sunday - HAPPY EASTER everyone, was also my mom's b-day. The Easter bunny got the kids pools and swimsuits and water guns and bubble stuff. We played in the pools and with bubbles until it was naptime - then everyone came over and we had a great dinner, of course opened a ton more stuff from meme and papa, and celebrated my moms birthday. Very good day. Kyla talked my mom into taking her again by manipulating her with lots and lots of tears and promises that she wont cry. She's such a sucker... I was saying no the whole time. I said don't call me at 11:00 if she doesn't want to stay, I would have rather just dealt with her unhappiness until she fell asleep!
My dad shaved Jack's hair off - at first I thought he looked like a cancer patient but now I absolutely love it. I hope it grows back better, because it sure wasn't in good shape before. He looked like an old man who was losing his hair before - now he looks like a big boy. I just love him - he is so giving with his kisses and hugs, this entire weekend he would just seek out Kyla and walk up to her for hugs... he must have hugged her 100 times. So cute!

lay offs

So it's final. I had to lay off my assistant today. So it's not bad enough that you have to tell someone that they are losing their job - but my company decides that they will put her final check in an envelope along with some other checks. It was to my attention, granted - BUT the other checks it was with are checks that Akemi requested for drivers and that she gets into every morning before I get here. They didn't even mark the envelope confidential! I get a call at 6:30 a.m. from her wondering if she is being terminated. Nice. When I got in an hour later, she couldn't stop crying until her sister picked her up an hour after that. How horrible must that have been for her?
I'm going to try to be positive about my job and the positive things that come with it, however I am keeping my eyes open and actively looking for something else. The thought of having to go back to doing what she was doing for me gives me horrible anxiety and makes my stomach hurt - especially for company that is $25k down PER DAY from last year. I feel like I need to protect myself before something else happens, even though the job I have is what keeps them having this business so it's pretty secure BUT they could get someone for 1/2 the price to do the same thing I'm sure... so you never know what they may have to do in the future.
Not a good feeling today.
On a good note, I updated most of my frames in the house with new pictures so that made me happy - I just need to get them on the wall now (o:

Karma is a bitch.

We had a delicious St. Patty's day dinner of corned beef, cabbage, boiled potatoes and carrots ( my favorite ) at my house last night. My grandma came over to eat with us and see the house. Everything was great and what made the night even better was the decision of my mom and dad to take Kyla with them because she really wanted to go Sunday night but my mom had too much to do... Well Kyla tells Kade to ask if he can go too, and my mom says yes. ( It was SO sweet - she came in to me and said: " mom, I'm so excited Kade is coming too, I just love when he is with me." ) So off they both go. I was smiling and dancing around being silly and helping them take all of their stuff to the car - and my parents said they haven't seen me that happy in a long time. Well, here is where the Kharma comes in. I put a shiny tint thing on my hair and it's orange now ( at least that's what my crappy lighting made it look like ) and my phone rang at 11:00 p.m. YES, 11:00. My mom said Kyla is over tired and wont stop crying and begging me to come and get her. She's tried for AN HOUR to get her to stop. Seriously - what is wrong with my children that do not allow their bodies to shut down at normal times of the night??? So my mom says she's bringing her home. Well she pulls up and has them both because Kyla was keeping Kade awake and where Kyla goes, Kade goes.
Kyla walks straight into her room and gets in her bed under the covers and says: I just needed my bed and for you to be here mom. I felt like saying, well I just needed a good night's sleep! Kade was put into my bed so he could fall asleep with Robert but Robert's snoring was SO loud he couldn't fall asleep, so he comes walking down the hall way asking to "hold me?" We lay on the couch together and that wasn't enjoyable at all, so I tried to put him in his bed - I rubbed him for 10 minutes and he was STILL awake and woke up Jack when I tried to leave the room.
At this point, happiness and patience was not my main concern. I woke up Robert and told him to either sleep on the couch or put Kade on his chest until he falls asleep. Kade was still asking for me when I turned around and walked away... but he stopped about 20 seconds later - finally SLEEP.
Me... I'm on the couch again. Atleast I was alone.
I'm not even made about this whole adventure because I believe in Kharma. I should have never been so excited and a smart ass about my kids leaving for the night. I should have begged them to stay...

Slumber party, Easter eggs and fun with hats

Slumber party with Aiden. Of course that's NOT where they slept.


Kyla upset because she wanted to be taking the pictures.. but she wanted to take pictures of her flip flops and stacks of books - ( which of course I saved to show her later )


Brotherly love...


Kyla and Kade made up their own egg puzzle game they said


I feel really overwhelmed and pretty uneasy lately, so I'm going to try to complain less and focus on more positive times ( that's my intention for the day anyway )
I had Aiden spend the night last Wednesday night, it went really well other than the 10:30 bedtime... We've had a good weekend too - we went to Abby's 1st b-day party on Saturday and jumped in the birthday cake bounce house and fell in love with Ruby's "pink room" as Kade called it - I had to promise we would go back to play! We had lots of fun with hats and Easter Eggs this weekend.... I swear these Easter Eggs keep them busy for hours at a time - I'll probably need to keep them out until Christmas! The kids are really into hats right now, Jack especially. He can't get them on his head himself yet, so he gets frustrated trying - but once you put it on he is the happies kid ever. Doesn't matter which kind, yesterday it was an Ariel Crown - just as long as it's on his head (o:

Cinnamon Butterflies

I'm sorry mommy friends, but I have to tell you that my kids are the best smelling kids on the planet.

I got my (monthly-yeay!! hidden message here) migraine finally last night / this morning and it was pretty bad. Robert had to go to my moms at 5:30 a.m. to get me a pill because I haven't refilled my prescription yet ( what a good hubby... thank god it's around the corner or I would have been out of luck I'm sure )

So last night I layed in bed with Kade because hey he was in his own bed and that was amazing, and he asked me to rub him and he allowed me to kiss his face and smell his neck at my leisure ( which never happens, he's normally very stingy with these types of things ) This was SO calming to me and made me forget about my headache.

Let me just mention that Jack slept until 8:00 a.m. today - he is my early riser so how great was that?!

Kyla came into bed about 7 a.m. and I got to snuggle my face into her neck and rub her cheeks while looking at how angelic she is when she is sleeping... again for a moment I forgot my headache. We've decided to tell her that she smells like Cinnamon Butterflies in order to get to snuggle her neck whenever we want. Seriously, there is something about her scent that is so perfect. Is that weird???

We do so much kissing and hugging that Jack has started to just randomly walk up to Kyla and Kade and just throw his arms around them and kiss their cheeks, smile and walk away. My heart melts every time. I need to get it on camera.

The screaming, my god the screaming.

SOME BODY PLEASE MAKE IT STOP! SERIOUSLY, I AM STARTING TO FEEL LIKE I'M REALLY DOING SOMETHING WRONG.

My friend Jeana jinxed me. Her daughter woke up the other day through out the night and very early in the morning... I commiserated with her and said I "remember" when Jack has done that. Well guess what time he woke up this morning. 5:00 a.m. He was using his body to make his crib mattress into a trampoline, which was making the most pleasant sound you could imagine at 5:00 a.m. I went in there and rubbed his head for a few minutes and I thought I got him to go back to sleep. Nope. 15 minutes later he starts talking and laughing. I go get him and bring him into bed with us and doing the same song and dance Jeana talked about... prentending I was sleeping, forcing him to lay down on me, etc.. He just keeps sitting up on my tummy wanting to play. I give in. We go in the play room and get some milk, etc.. This lasts for about an hour and then I have to start getting ready for work - that's when it gets ugly. He played with Robert just long enough for me to straighten my hair but once I started getting dressed he knew I was leaving and started really freaking out.

He is a perfect child when I'm not around. I went to the grocery store really quick last night and he didn't make a peep while I was gone, I walk in the door and he starts screaming and yelling at me, instantly. It's frustrating, really really frustrating.

Back to this morning. I finally get him in the car, and apparantely Kade hears the end of this and runs out onto the front porch and screaming "mmmooommmyyy!! don't leave me!" while Robert is running out of the back room in his underwear because he thought I was gone (oops, my fault for not locking the door behind me ) so I grab Kade and put him in the car too. Then when we get to my moms house it becomes an instant scream war of who will get me to hold them last before I leave the house.

Fun stuff - I just LOVE starting my days out like this.

On a brighter note, my friend Becky and I just started an 11 week work out plan. We have memorial day goals!!! It felt great, I miss it so much -

Time Change

Does anyone else hate the time change so far? I will love it in a week or two, but I am so freakin tired I can barely keep my eyes open and I can not get out of bed. My kids already stay up too late - this is NOT helping. When are we going to wise up and just leave the time alone for the entire year??

2nd round of mimosas and 9 kids ( w/ 9 kids this time )

Abby ( the most perfectly content child ever ) and Jack at a rare independent moment today.


Kade, Ruby and Aubrey saying cheese.


Kade and Trevor on the swing set.


The kids playing play doh.

Last time we planned a big play date it was all yucky and raining outside... today was gorgeous. Kim, Trevor and Taylor, Jeana, Ruby and Abby, & Angie, Brady and Aubrey, and Kim's sister Kelly came over to play today. I got to test out my new house for guests and kids and I must say I am SO glad we moved. Besides the weather being so nice (we were all saying how we weren't used it to being warm we were actually looking for shade ) we were actually all able to sit down and relax for most of the time because the kids just went back and forth from the play room to the yard and the riding toys...
Jack decided that he would be constipated this morning and not barely let me leave his side - that I'm used to.... but what I wasn't used to is how GOOD Kade was. I was seriously in awe of him all day and still can't get over it. I told my dad someone stole my child and replaced him with an angel. I was SO very proud of his behavior after had bad he has been lately. Of course as soon as everyone left he walked up to Kyla and hit her - I swear I'm not lying. Kyla was very anti-social and just wanted to play on the computer. Of course with her, after everyone left she asked if they could come back because she was ready to play now.
The kids were all so adorable and I could watch them all interact together constantly - it fascinates me how their minds work. Can't wait for the next one!
hehehe - I have to interupt my typing: It's 8:30 and Kade asked for a snack. I said crackers, they go in the kitchen and Robert offers him a piece of pizza. Kyla goes:"Kade you can't have PIZZA! I'm going to go tell my mom!" Robert got all bent out of shape that she tattletailed on him for giving pizza to Kade when she knows that it's too late for that. Gotta love it. I guess she does listen to me sometimes. Good night everyone.. I'm going to let Robert deal with the hyper activity that will now come with this piece of pizza.

Moms are better than Dads!

So everything was going so well at my house last night. Becky brought Camryn over and my kids were so quiet and calm and happy. We both kept looking at each other in awe of the quietness that was my house - waiting for some big event to change this phenomenon. All continued well, Robert left to go help Marty with something and I proceeded to fix myself something to eat.... that's when the nice night ended:
Kade walks in and says calmly: "Mom, can you please take this out of my nose?" as a little trickle of blood starts dripping.
He kept putting his finger in there and sniffing, and I could see something shiny. I figured ok, no big deal I can see it so I can probably get it. I put some pepper under his nose and told him to look up at the light to try to get him to sneeze because he doesn't quite get the concept of blowing, he just sniffs. It didn't work and he sure didn't want to participate in that idea. So we stayed calm and I asked him to show me what it was. He very simply did ( it was a little tiny plastic tube part off of a car that broke while he was playing with it )
Ok, so we went in the bathroom and I nearly got it several times, but the tweezers just wouldn't keep a hold of it and every time I went in there it tickled him and made him sniff. I wont go into much more detail, but there was a lot involved.
Anyway - getting to the title of my post. Robert does NOT do well with crisis having to do with our children ( see a few posts back ) He's good with throw up and little scrapes etc.. but NOTHING else. He made the situation loads of fun by taking out his anxiety on me and questioning everything that I did or more accurately what he felt I didn't do. At one point he said I should have called an ambulance?!? Well I wont bore you with all of the details. He takes Kade to the ER and I have mom come over so I can follow with some stuff for Kade to do and his medical card. I get there and he instantly looks relieved and Kade immediately wants his mommy. I brought what was up his nose ( cause there is 2 of them, thankfully only 1 in his nose ) so I could show the doctor. His apology came in form of: " that was a good idea to bring it so the doctor could see." I just said: uh huh.
Well my baby boy needed his mommy and was so glad I was there. I got to hold him the whole time. They put us ahead of 7 other people and came in and took care of us immediately. Kade didn't even cry - but he wanted his mommy right when they were done and wanted to ride home with me instead of daddy too... yeay! It's always the other way around!
We got home and Kyla wanted to go with Meme of course, and you should have seen her face when Meme just said, "ok get your slippers." She stopped in her tracks like she was all thrown off from not having to argue her point of why she should get to go. So... I got to snuggle with Kade since Jack was in bed (o:

Edit from last post...

I wanted to share that I am definitely a spanker myself. I also got spanked and I don't plan on not spanking my kids - I just feel really bad about how angry I was when I did it this time. I spank as appropriate punishment when it's called for and they know it, but it's done as punishment - I don't actually feel the anger. Last night I felt the anger and I didn't like it. Thanks for your comments Kim & Kelly (o: I just re-read my post and saw that it didn't come out like I intended it to.

Dinner, coffee, and guilt.

So Robert made the best bbq chicken I've ever had last night - perhaps it was better because I didn't make it, but I don't care, it was great! ( of course I forgot the left overs and now my mouth is watering thinking of it sitting at home in my fridge )

I had a really horrible mental day yesterday and talked Becky into meeting me for impromptu coffee last night. Kade has been really really bad for about a week now and it's starting to get to me. I was telling Becky about some scenarios that all happen at once and how hard it is on my heart and she started tearing up at the thought. Don't get me wrong, my life is what it is and everyone has struggles relative to their current situation, and if anything was different in my life the struggles would just be different... but some days I just don't know how I'm going to make it to the next phase of these kids.

I feel guilty for not being able to control my frustration no matter what happens. I definitely was angry with Kade last night. Angry. I know it's ok to be angry - but I was really angry at this poor little 2.5 yr old. He's being mean. Really mean. He went through this before, but got over it and had for the most part become such a great kid! Now it's back, and worse. He even acknowledges what he's doing and we talk about consequences and they are followed through. I spanked his butt when I was angry and I wish I could take it back. I'm at a loss of what to do for him right now.

Since I'm sure no men read this I'll also share the fact that I'm 6 days later than last month - talk about stress. I know I'm not pregnant, but seriously; that fear creeps in and totally freaks me out.

The strange thing is, besides the incidences with Kade, last night was a good night -when he does that though, it's SO horribly bad. It's hard to explain.

Hitting, pinching, name calling, and oouuuwwww

So Kade has just spent the last 4 days just hitting, pinching, screaming, disobeying, hitting and then some more hitting. ( there are good moments in-between but not many )
He'll seriously just walk up to you - he doesn't discriminate, and just hit or pinch you like nothing. I thought he was over this. I don't remember why it went away the first time, but I sure wish I did. Robert and I have been arguing with all of this moving stuff coming to a head, so I'm hoping that watching that will help.

Kyla has declared to her friends at meme's house that she doesn't like any of them and she doesn't want to play with them and she only likes her daddy. hehehe This has since passed, but the timing of these statments always crack me up.

Jack is a child of VERY few words, his newest is oooouuuwwwww. He just walks around saying ooww so dramatic like. It's so funny because he says it when he falls, when he wants to be picked up, when he isn't getting enough attention, whenever. He is spoiled ROTTEN. The only words he says are MOM UP, ouw, bite ( like feed me ) daddy, a few more but the majority are all about pleasing him.

Now on to pleasing me: Robert has just promised me that he will start making dinner again AND 3 weekdays he will occupy the kids time outside when I get home to be able to workout.... now if I just fit in one other day on the weekends, I should be good to go. I'm glad he agreed and came up with something, I felt like I was drowning.

Hope everyone is well... haven't seen much this past week and I love reading the blogs!

The following changes need to be made -

I need to implement the following into my life to make me a happier person:

3-4 days a week working out - WITHOUT kids at my feet asking what I'm doing and trying to copy me. I want alone time with nobody at my house. This fixes absolutely every single thing about me. Tension, stress, headaches, self esteem, discipline, engery, you name it - that fixes it. ( add 10 mg of prozac, and I'm perfect!! hahaha )

Now, in order to do that I need to implement actually doing it when I get the free alone time instead of laundry, organizing, and / or cleaning.

I need to care less about my house and spend more time in my evenings actually playing with my kids. The ratio of time spent doing "house" stuff and time spent being silly and playing needs to swap with each other.

I need to stop yelling and figure out some other way to handle when my kids act like I'm completely invisible and they are deaf.

I have a sinus headache that feels like my temples are in a vice and my husband has sciatica pain... guess who gets to rest!?!?!?

Ok, I feel better now, thanks!

Are you kidding me?

Robert has never had sciatica pain before in his life. He's pulled a few muscles, had knee surgery - but never this. Well, guess when it struck... Saturday. Poor guy worked so hard all week and spent all day Saturday finishing up the old house doing things that he promised he would, and now he's whining and grimicing and screaming ( seriously ) out in pain. Now don't get me wrong, I feel horrible for him - my dad has had this a million times and I have had it once while pregant, so I know it's horrible... but really; now? There is too much to finish and this doesn't fit into my plans.

Yesterday, I put Jack down for a nap a little early and decided to keep K & K up to put them down early for bed later. Me and mom took K & K to lunch and to Target while Jack was asleep - perfect plan so far right? Well into the evening K & K were fighting SO bad, like punching, and kicking and hitting and screaming after they had been doing so well. I had forgotten that sometimes they ( mainly Kade instigating until Kyla gets pissed off - then they both act out ) do this when they are extra tired until Kade finally got restrained to sitting by his daddy and not getting to play anymore "for the rest of the night" and Kyla was left alone to be alone. Well Kade fell asleep sitting up within 2 minutes, and Kyla was asleep on the floor 2 minutes after that - I sure misjudged that one! ( it was 6:50 p.m. ) The worst thing about this is that when they fight like that before bed they have nightmares and they don't sleep through well anyway. By the end of the night Kyla was in my bed and I was in Kyla's bed until Kade woke up who then joined me in Kyla's bed. I let Kyla deal with her daddy's snoring and painful grunts alone.

Here's to another week!!!