My name is Shannon and I'm a Kade-o-holic.

I spent most of my pregnancy with Kade focused on wondering whether or not it was possible to love a 2nd child when you already feel like your heart was going to explode with love from the first child.

Feeling completely ashamed that I had these worries, I found that I kept them to myself for several months. I remember the day I actually said it out loud, with tears streaming down my face, it was such a relief. Turns out, I'm not the only one with this fear. More importantly, it turns out, a mother has infinite room in her heart for her children. How lucky are we?

I didn't realize this was true, despite the reassurances I received, until I actually gave birth to Kade. He, just like his sister was NOT an easy labor, but the very second he took his first breath, I fell in love. I fell very deeply in love. I was crying so hard, and for so long, everyone immediately assumed I was in horrible pain and rushed to my aid. In actuality, I was so happy, I couldn't even feel the pain. Being able to feel that much love after going through such a rough time, made me feel like I could handle ANYTHING.

Well, even though this is a birthday post, I'm going to have to say that it's a very good thing I fell so hard and so deeply in love immediately, because that "ANYTHING" I speak of, is my Kade.

From the time he was just a couple of weeks old, Kade has always needed a little extra. He was a colicy baby - and one day I remember he even cried for 9 hours straight.... without a break. There were countless times that my mom had to come over after 10:00 at night because Robert and I just couldn't take it anymore. In order to put my baby to sleep, I had to pat his little butt so hard that the mattress bounced! Let's just say, just like the love I have for him, things with Kade have always been a little extreme.

I call Kade my 2nd addiction & my 2nd obsession because he is just like his father. I'm completely addicted to and obsessed with Robert too. Kade is my little Mr. Beard. Just like his daddy, he has a very special brain, and a very special place in my heart.

Kade loves bigger than most people because his heart is as big as his whole body. Kade also gets angrier than most people because sometimes his special brain over powers his big heart, or his big heart gets hurt. I have made it my mission in life to make sure that Kade feels that he is loved unconditionally and is raised in a way that is best for Kade as an individual.

The hold he has on my heart must be apparent to him because he definitely uses it against me! LOL - but I wouldn't expect it any other way! He knows that holding my hand or giving me a kiss is way more for my benefit than for his. He even says: " I'll let you rub my soft skin, if you .... " in a bartering attempt. I like to put my cheek against his cheek when I feel stress, and my stress goes away.

Today Kade told me that I'm a really cool mom, and the other day he told me that he really doesn't want to be mean when he's mean, but he can't help it, and he promises he'll try every single day not to be. He asked me to please remember that he will always love me no matter what. As tears are forming, I feel so many things when I think about the future. I feel fear, for what his brain will put him ( and honestly me )through. I feel pride for the amazing accomplishments I know he'll experience. Lastly I feel mostly love. Love for the big, bright, blue eyes and gorgeous smile. Love for the way he holds my hand and lets me separate his pinky from the rest of his fingers. Love and thankfulness for getting the opportunity to find out what I'm made of, in being Kade's mom. I hope that I make him as proud as he makes me.

As I say to him every single night before he goes to bed; Thank you Kade, for being my son.

Happy 5th Birthday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!