:(

I have to get in writing that I am having a very very very very very very very hard time with Kade right now.

Kade has always been rough, and I've tried to be as light hearted as possible and focus on all of the good things. I will continue to do so, but I have to get out that over the last few weeks, I have been severely struggling with being his parent.

I have a significant fear of what is to come and that I wont be able to handle it.

I cry from how he hurts my heart frequently, and no amount of rationalization of the fact that he's just a "5 yr old boy" can take away the pain when the words are being said.

I know that all kids say mean things to parents, and I get it from Kyla and Jack a normal amount of times as well. When Kade says it however, it's heart wrenching. It's different.

When I read back on this, I'll know exactly what I mean by different, and I hope by the time I read this that we will have come up with something that improves our situation by at least 50%.

I'm not doing good.