Since my life is an open book....

I quite like it that way though. The worst feeling I have ever felt is to feel alone in something. I've kind of taken on the desire to try to help anyone I can to never feel that way. Even if it's just one person at some random time and when I don't even know it.... thus the blog.

So most of the readers of this are probably on facebook and know this already, but in case not - Kyla's Kindergarten teacher, 2 1st grade teachers, and the principal at her school would like to move Kyla up to 1st grade.

My initial reaction of course was: PRIDE. SO SO PROUD. It was immediately followed with fear, concern, and anxiety. This will be the biggest decision to date, that I will ever have made in my life. This will effect my child's life in so many ways, for so many years and it's all riding on my shoulders to make the right choice.

I quickly went into protection mode and didn't want my little girl to be the youngest in her class growing up. She'll be watching her friends drive, go to rated R movies, date, wear make up, do "things" <-- that I don't even want to think about. I don't want her to be social immature and run into problems in that area. I had a boxing match going on in my head.

The academic end of things, I have no concern about. She really is one of those kids. I'm her mom, yes, but she really is. I went to her school today to see the testing that they've done with her, and I had tears in my eyes. She's so smart you guys. So smart. She has a photographic memory just like her daddy, and her meme sure has done an AMAZING job as her pre-k teacher through education and life. She's passing tests a high number of 1st graders don't pass towards the end of the year, much less at the beginning. She needs it academically - especially since we will not be doing private school for the more advanced learning and individual attention.

So I went back to my pro's and con's way of doing things, as well as my gut motherly instinct.

These are my reasons:

1) I'll have issues no matter what as she ages, situations will come up no matter what grade she is in with identity, kids, friends, being allowed to do things and what-not.

2) She is very mature for her age. She flocks to older kids, and prefers them. She doesn't always play well or communicate well with girls and most children her age.

3) Academically she is passing what end of the year 1st graders are required to pass on 80% of the tests.

4) I told the teacher about my concerns for her emotional stability and she reassured me as I mentioned to her, that this is not taken lightly. This is not something that they would do just because she "knows more than the rest" She said she is one of the most mature children she has ever taught. She said she's only known her for 4 days, but with 100% confidence she would move her child up, if she was in my position. She's shown her work to 2 1st grade teachers, and the principal.

5) if it doesn't work, she can go back with no negative status within a month or so.

6) I don't want Kyla to skate through life. She needs challenges, she needs to know what it feels like to fail and regain her strength and keep trying.

Robert and I will need to just focus on parenting her as an individual and keep her grounded. We'll make some unique and some pre-planned decisions as they are appropriate for situations that arise. We'll keep her confidence built and keep her reality stable.

When I talked to her about it, she said she will miss Aiden, but is glad they can still do homework together at meme's house, and she said that she hasn't learned every letter of the alphabet yet in sign language, so she'll need to hurry and do that first. When I assured her that her new teacher wouldn't be upset about the sign language thing, I also had to promise her that I would buy her a book and teach her the letter's myself. She jumped up and said: "I'M IN 1st GRADE NOW!"

As my friend Bill said, there are much worse things that we could be dealing with when it comes to our kids. I am so blessed.

Her teacher told her to please write out a sentence on her own - she wanted to see how she spelled phonetically. I cried when I saw this. My baby girl wrote this without asking even one question of the teacher. ( sorry, part of it is cut off )