It's official; the worst thing about being a parent is:

Anxiety. Seriously - Monday night we left the kids at my moms house because I had to be in San Diego by 7:00 a.m. and Robert went with me to keep me company...
We were laying in bed talking with the strange sound of silence around us, and Robert says something to the effect of not being able to handle it if something were to happen to one of the kids whether it be a sickness, a broken arm or the worst case scenario. He said he wouldn't be strong enough so he has to go first. I have no idea where this came from, but I think about that stuff ALL the time. Some days it's a thought and I get past it by telling myself that my strength would come in the form of my other kids, etc.. etc.. but some days those thoughts are completely debilitating. Like Monday night. I could NOT stop crying. My mind went all over the place, from my kids dying to Robert dying, to my mom or dad dying and my kids asking where they were to me dying .... I could not stop. I didn't even have my kids there to go and cuddle and kiss on, so I got a pillow of Kyla's a blanket of Kades and stood in Jack's room for a few minutes, then I turned on their sleeping music and finally fell asleep about 11:30. I had to be up at 5a.m.
I told my mom the next day that if I could go around to high schools and some how magically transfer that pain and anxiety that moms feel about their children to these young girls ( like in the Green Mile or something ) just for 1 minute, they would NEVER have sex until they were married. Guaranteed. My mom responded with an aire of; you think I don't know this?? lol.