I need a break from being positive.

We went in for Robert's test results and though I'm very thankful he doesn't have diabetes ( which I was afraid of ) he does have very high cholesterol and needs to see an allergist for his sinuses which may lead to surgery. She told us the accurate word for what is quadruple the size they are supposed to be, but I don't remember what it is... it's part of how he breathes. Anyway - he needs to find out what exactly he is allergic to and get these swollen things "reduced" We do know whatever he is allergic to is something huge like pollen and outside annoyances, as opposed to dust because he's much better inside ( and you know my house is dusty! )
He and my dad both have high cholesterol ( the same marks actually ) so they are both now going to be changing their bad eating behaviors. Robert is still young enough to turn it around and stop it from getting worse, but my dad is at a very bad age for this kind of thing.
( He has lost 5 lbs though this week, so I'm very proud of him for that!! ) I hope he doesn't kill me for writing about this but I've been way more worried than I'm letting him know so I had to get it out.

I'm sick and tired of bed time issues. When will they end?? Robert has gotten much better than me at dealing with the boys, so he's pretty much taken on that issue - but I still try to start the process. Kyla is just an emotional roller coaster about my time with her vs. her brothers and things like that, when it comes down to actually ending the day she lets it all out and begs me to lay with her "for the whole time." Jack has been waking up every night in the middle of the night and the 1st 2 times I walk him back into his bed, if there is a 3rd, he just ends up in our bed. Last night though - he had diarrhea (after not going for 2 fun filled constipated days ) at 4:00 a.m. and couldn't go back to sleep. He did eventually but not nearly soon enough.

My back hurts and I can't get comfortable anywhere!

I'm tired of being tired. I'm tired of noise, and I'm tired of screaming arguing kids. I'm tired from being pulled in 3 directions, and most of all I'm tired of being tired of these things. How do moms just dedicate everything they have to their kids? I love my kids more than breathing, I think that's obvious - but sometimes I just want to sit down after working a boring day and read a magazine or watch a tv show. I still manage to do those things sometimes, but then I feel guilty that I should be interacting with my kids more. Where is the balance? Will there be balance some day? I want to go back to the gym, but then that is more time away. I think it will help. I don't know, I'm rambling. I'm tired. I'm not even going to re-read this to see if it makes sense.