Dinner, coffee, and guilt.

So Robert made the best bbq chicken I've ever had last night - perhaps it was better because I didn't make it, but I don't care, it was great! ( of course I forgot the left overs and now my mouth is watering thinking of it sitting at home in my fridge )

I had a really horrible mental day yesterday and talked Becky into meeting me for impromptu coffee last night. Kade has been really really bad for about a week now and it's starting to get to me. I was telling Becky about some scenarios that all happen at once and how hard it is on my heart and she started tearing up at the thought. Don't get me wrong, my life is what it is and everyone has struggles relative to their current situation, and if anything was different in my life the struggles would just be different... but some days I just don't know how I'm going to make it to the next phase of these kids.

I feel guilty for not being able to control my frustration no matter what happens. I definitely was angry with Kade last night. Angry. I know it's ok to be angry - but I was really angry at this poor little 2.5 yr old. He's being mean. Really mean. He went through this before, but got over it and had for the most part become such a great kid! Now it's back, and worse. He even acknowledges what he's doing and we talk about consequences and they are followed through. I spanked his butt when I was angry and I wish I could take it back. I'm at a loss of what to do for him right now.

Since I'm sure no men read this I'll also share the fact that I'm 6 days later than last month - talk about stress. I know I'm not pregnant, but seriously; that fear creeps in and totally freaks me out.

The strange thing is, besides the incidences with Kade, last night was a good night -when he does that though, it's SO horribly bad. It's hard to explain.